You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
