she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
