I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
