I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
