Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
