NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
