Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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