Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
