is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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