Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize