Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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