Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
