I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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