3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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