I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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