i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
