At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
