either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
