my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
