You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize