someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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