Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
