Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
