You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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