ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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