What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
