don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
