So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
