someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
