Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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