idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Your cock deserves a montage
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
