So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
