i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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