their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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