He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
