I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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