go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
