i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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