We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So much Jack, so little girl.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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