i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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