My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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