mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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