Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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