I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
