Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
