I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
