if you like me you must not know who I am
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
