He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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