I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
