it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
