U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
