That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
