K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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