PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
