She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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