the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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