In the future we'll all be gay
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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