I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
