Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
