so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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