If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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