He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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