I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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