goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
