so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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