Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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