We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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