But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
