dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
