I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
