summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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