I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
